A Taste of Chaos

Recap

2012-02-01T11:37:00.000-08:00

Well I've been on a sort of blogging hiatus for some time now. I have thought several times about deleting the account altogether. My wonderful cousin from Bella Pop Photography asked me to join her online photography class. In this class I'll be expected to post my progress. I'm so excited to be a part of this project and to learn new tricks on my dslr camera. Stay tuned!!

Meanwhile, I'll catch you up on some important highlights of my life.

-I now have 3 nieces and they are all beautiful!!

-I have joined a roller derby team. Check us out @ www.browncoderbydebutaunts.com

-I have recorded my very first song. You can listen to it HERE

-I had a baby! Okay, just kidding :)

Be love, Tipsy Gypsy

Thanksgiving

2009-11-26T08:46:00.000-08:00

"Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good; his love endures forever"-Ps 107:1

This has been another exorbitant year. I spent the majority of my time in San Antonio and I am thankful for the time I had there. I'm thankful for the opportunity to share a home with my best friend and thankful for all of the new faces I met and new friendships that were made. I am thankful for my family's health and for my own and for surviving the H1N1 flu virus. For a while I thought I wasn't going to make it. I am thankful for my family and for the favorable circumstances that allowed me to have lived close to my brother, his wife, and my beautiful niece for the majority of this year. I am thankful for healing and for another year of moving forward; pressing on toward the goal. I am thankful for friends and loved ones that have encouraged me, prayed for me, spent time with me, laughed with me, thought of me, and loved me. I am thankful for my dog Kona, my car that is finally back up and running (thanks to my big brother!), having a roof over my head, and a job that provides; a God that provides. I am thankful for all of those that our paths have crossed and made my life the richer, like Misti for her ceaseless friendship and advice, the Metcalf's for their sincere love and friendship, Shaye Miller who was my first role model, all of my hookers, the Hot Bod Pod,old co-workers, new friends, old friends, my brothers and their wives, my amazing and very large family, and most of all for the unfailing love of our Heavenly Father.
May you be blessed today and always!-L

Happy Birthday Zinnia Pearl!

2009-09-21T21:28:00.000-07:00

Zinnia Pearl is not so little anymore. She's a big one year old! We had her birthday party this weekend and she was so adorable opening presents and smiling with her sweet little three toothed grin. She's walking all over the place and even saying a few words too. She did such a great job opening presents and loved her pretty pink birthday cake.

Her very first Build-a-bear from Aunt Linzie

New ride from Grandma Bunny

Cake time!!

Yum Yum!

Clean up time

Decisions, Decisions

2009-08-09T21:45:00.000-07:00

I feel like I've been stagnant for 3 years. Standing on a carpet of moss in a fungus infected pond only to feel rejuvenated after a good rain. Okay, so maybe that's a little dramatic, but where is this life of mine going?
I've moved 5 places in the past 3 years and I don't feel like I've made much progress. I've finally settled on a place and have almost been in San Antonio for a whole year. That's huge for me! The lease to my apartment is up in October and it's time to take charge! I don't want to feel motionless anymore. I'm anxious to see the next page in this crazy gypsy adventure of mine. I want to be productive and feel accomplished in something. I've wanted to go to cosmetology school since I was unable to attend a University due to finances. I've thought about packing things up, purchasing a simple lifestyle in a travel trailer, and moving to Oregon. Fresh start it seems. I've contemplated traveling out to New Mexico and being near family and of course putting myself through cosmetology school there.
Today, while I was in church I was inspired by something else. It's called CARES Team. Transforming apartment living through Christian ministry. CARES Team has teamed up with different apartment complexes throughout most Southern states to provide a free apartment in exchange for 20 hours of your service. This is a perfect opportunity to be Jesus to my neighbors, my community, and this world. Not only is it a great way for me to love on people in my community, but it's also smart financially.
I don't know what this life has in store for me, but my prayer lately is for me to hear God's calling. Whether it's in the Northwest, across the sea, or right here in San Antonio. I'm tired of working long odd hours and not being able to pour myself into things of this nature. I want to share my passion and my love for God with people. I want to attend Cosmetology school and have a feeling of success.
Please pray for the upcoming months. Pray that I will be able to hear God and have a sense of peace about my upcoming decisions. I've applied to a few different Cosmetology schools in the Portland area, Albuquerque area, and here in San Antonio. I even found a great deal on a trailer in Portland, but am having difficulty finding a place to park it! I'm having a difficult time hearing where God is wanting me. If I am suppose to stay right here in San Antonio and join a CARE Team I will need a partner/roommate. (CARE teams accepts married couples or two single adults) Or maybe just pray for a husband.-wink- I appreciate your prayers in advance, and for the conversations I know I'll be having with several of you seeking advice and direction. We'll all get through this life one way or another! Love, L

Zinnia Pearl is almost 1

2009-08-03T22:03:00.000-07:00

Turning 1 next month...

Where did the time go?

McGuyver to the Rescue!

2009-07-19T21:56:00.000-07:00

My job has its busy moments. It has its junctures of impulse and adrenaline, but most days are calm and quiet with only the simple action of assisting someone who has locked their selves out of the room. I am very grateful for those days. The days I don't have to respond to a fire alarm or a student who is unconscious. Today I responded to a very unusual call. The complainant advised that there were baby ducks in the fountain and unable to get out. Sure enough, when I got to the fountain there were 12 baby ducks all swimming around in the fountain. The cement step leading out of the fountain was about 6 inches from the top water and the poor little ducklings were unable to get out. Now, I am no animal buff, but growing up we had several animals that abandoned their young after having had human contact. I decided the best thing to do was to make some sort of ramp for the ducks to walk up. I searched around campus and finally found a 2x4 that was long enough to reach the water and the first step of cement and it worked! The ducks got the hang of it instantly and helped one another waddle up the ramp and onto dry land! Who knew ducks could be so smart? Unfortunately three little ducklings didn't pay attention to their brothers and sisters and didn't use the ramp to escape. Instead they swam around the fountain darting under water and swimming until they had no breath left. I found a shovel and took off my shoes and socks and climbed in the "recycled water" fountain to scoop the ducks out and place them on dry land. I like to think that they're all safe and sound now and that all of the little ducklings found their Mom and are nestled safely under her wing tonight. They sure were cute little things. As for me, I'll add duck rescuing to my resume tonight.

We're on Etsy!!

2009-05-02T13:38:00.000-07:00

My beautiful sister in laws and I have started an etsy store! We're calling ourselves "The Lady B's". We're selling vintage treasures we find at Goodwills, garage sales, and thrift stores. It's just in the beginning stages and we only have a couple of items listed, but it's been a fun start so far!
Check us out HERE!

1/2 Marathon

2009-04-18T21:58:00.000-07:00

I took the plunge! A few weeks ago two of my good friends and I were discussing training for a 1/2 marathon. They completed their registration earlier this week and today I did the deed too. It's official. I am running in the 2009 San Antonio Rock'n Roll 1/2 Marathon.
The race is in November and the vigorous training starts now! I spent the day gearing up with some new running shorts and tennis shoes for extra motivation. Say an extra prayer for me this week. I'm sure training this week will have me pretty sore!

My Mimi

2009-04-11T17:45:00.000-07:00

Today marks one year of the death of my grandmother Clawson. Some called her Betty, Mom, and Betty Blue, I called her Mimi. She battled many illnesses in her life time and fought a vicious battle of cancer in her later years.
Today I'll share one of my most treasured memories with my Mimi.
I must have been in the 4th or 5th grade. It was the first year my family made what has since become a yearly trip down the Rio Grande River. I was much to young at the time to make the 83 mile paddle, so during spring break I stayed with my Mimi and Grandy in Austin, Texas. At the time Mimi worked for the Texas School for the Deaf and during my week long stay I would tag along with her and "help" her in her office. I spent the days playing on the playground outside, tagging along with the custodian Joyce, who was deaf, or helped Mimi do "important" stuff in her office. She would give me a few quarters to get a snack out of the vending machine across her office and she'd also pack fun lunches for the two of us too. They spoiled me good by taking me to eat Chinese food (which at the time was my favorite!) and also my very first trip to Taco Cabana. Yum! I remember the two of them telling me how the food used to come down in a little shoot in the drive through. Is that true or am I making stuff up now? During the week we stayed at their house in town where I remember climbing into bed every morning between my Mimi and Grandy to watch cartoons. This was SUPER special as I did not have cable tv growing up, not to mention climbing in between the two of them. On Saturday morning we woke up early and went garage sale shopping. One of my Mimi (and Grandy's) favorite Saturday morning activities. Mimi loved going to garage sales and in true Mimi fashion would pick up most everything to inspect. Some days we would be going to garage sales well into the afternoon. She loved jewelry and anything with butterflies on it.
After the garage sale festivities we headed out to their weekend house in La Grange, Texas. They had a farm house on a few acres with a fabulous pond and lots of land to run and play on. After dinner one night Mimi got her mandolin and Grandy his guitar and entertained me with a few songs. My favorite was Skip to my Lu, which was very special to me as my Mimi always called me LuLu or Lu. In fact, for a few years growing up I thought that they had written that song just for me. I later found out while singing the song in school that unfortunately it was a very popular song that most of the world knew. On Sunday we went fishing in the pond. While Grandy was off searching for a big fat yellow grasshopper to put on my lure I was impatiently walking along the bridge over the pond dragging my bare hook in the water. I remember walking back and forth singing to myself (which I did often) and all of the sudden felt a little tug on my line. I quickly stopped singing and tugged back to reel in a small little perch. Who needs grasshoppers?
Unfortunately the week came to a close and my family picked me up after their week long excursion down the Rio Grande River, but my memories of that week will forever be printed on my heart. A weekend well spent with Mimi and Grandy.

"Till we meet, till we meet
Till we meet at Jesus' feet
Till we meet, till we meet
God be with you till we meet again"

Chuckle Chuckle

2009-03-15T17:46:00.001-07:00

This March marks the 6th month I've been in San Antonio. Time sure does fly when you're.... working a lot!! It has been a fun ride so far. For the most part I like our little apartment, it's close to work, and I don't want to slit my wrists going to work everyday. (yet)I've met some great friends here too. It's been fun to meet new faces and get to know people from all parts of the world.
One of my favorite people I've collected here so far is Erica. She also works at Trinity and so far we've had many great memories. My roommate was out of town this weekend for Spring Break, so I asked Erica if she would like to go to church with me this morning. Now neither of us have found a church home yet and have been playing the church hopping game for a while. We both decided it'd be fun to try a new place that neither of us had been to. Thanks to google we found a baptist church up the road that seemed to have an active young adults program.
Erica, who grew up Catholic, was a little anxious about attending bible class. I assured her it would be fun and a prime opportunity for us both to make some new friends. Upon arriving at this colossal house of God, we managed to find the Information desk to ask directions to the young adults class. The red cheeked Santa Claus looking man with the lanyard around his neck holding his name tag in place cheerfully agreed to escort us to our class. There was a couple following this jubilant fellow as well. Over the river and through the woods we finally arrived at our class room and awkwardly took our seat as all of the eyes began to sink into my skin from the faithful attendees of this class. The chairs were positioned in a semicircle and we immediately began tossing our names across the room and greeting one another. One of the ladies brought me a visitors card to fill out along with a pen. I put my name in the proper blank and then realized something. There was another blank for "Spouse". I quickly looked around the arch of chairs only to notice guy, girl, guy, girl, wedding band, wedding band, wedding band....oh NO!!!!!!
I looked at Erica and she immediately realized the same thing. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a bulletin board. I turned to make out the title of the bulletin and it read "Couple's Class". I wanted to run out of the class room. Erica even asked if we could just grab our things and run. My face grew red like that stupid Santa Claus man that brought us here. What was he thinking?! Maybe he drank too much eggnog before service. We decided we'd ask for another card and clarify that we were NOT together.
It turns out that the discussion in the class itself was very enjoyable, apart from it being completely mortifying. We were invited to join them the following Sunday and it became apparent to me how willing they were to accept anyone. That is to say that my friend Erica and I were infact "together"--which we WEREN'T. I guess it was just refreshing to see Christians loving like Christ loved, if that makes sense. Needless to say, Erica and I bolted the first chance we could trying not to make eye contact with anyone...unless it was that silly red faced man and then I might have a few things to say with my fist. Oh, okay maybe I'm all talk!

Skipper and the Hog

2009-03-10T16:02:00.000-07:00

I woke up early one day last week to a text message my oldest brother in New Mexico had sent me. It read "Dad hit a hog on his motorcycle last night. He's out of the hospital now and okay. Just broke some ribs and is skinned up". I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and read it again. My Dad? I thought to myself. My Dad doesn't have a motorcycle.

I immediately called my Dad to verify this information. He answered and I could tell in his voice that it was indeed true. He told me in his shaky voice how it had happened as best he could with being dosed up on pain killers and having suffered a concussion. He explained that he was driving back from Sidney and hit the hog. It was dark and knowing my Dad I'm sure he was having a hard time seeing. He was not wearing a helmet, which I made sure he would now and forever more.
Every part of me wanted to jump in the car and drive up to see him. My Dad is one tough dude, and I was afraid he was trying to put on a brave face for his little girl. With my new job I was unable to just jump in the car and go, but thankfully was able to get a picture of Dad so that my heart could rest easy...somewhat at least. The first picture I recieved was of him in the hospital before they cleaned him up from all of the road rash and it's a hard picture to look at, so I'm posting the after shot.
Keep Daddy in your prayers. He ended up breaking 4 ribs and has severe damage to his ankle and knee. Not to mention multiple deep gashes and lots of road rash.

Only in Texas would this happen AND you'd go back to take a picture of it.

Mace in ya face

2009-02-18T21:59:00.000-08:00

It truly was the worst feeling ever. I had no idea that a person had feeling on the backside of their eyeballs. It was 45 minutes of excruciating pain. It felt like someone had dumped a pound of sand in my eyeball, stabbed them with 10,000 knives, and then set them on fire all at the same time. All the while I was trying to squeeze my butt cheeks together to prevent another ring of fire and taking deep breathes of extremely spicy air so that I would not vomit my McDonald's chicken nuggets I had eaten for lunch.

As part of taking on this new job I had to be sprayed with OC Spray. OC Spray is the law enforcement issued form of pepper spray. Oleoresin Capsicum is a chemical compound that irritates the eyes to cause tears, pain, and temporary blindness.The active ingredient in OC Spray is capsaicin, which is a chemical derived from the fruit of plants in the Capsicum genus, including chilis.

They first lined me up outside with my hands stretched away from my body, eyes shut tight, and mouth closed. I was sprayed from less than 3 feet away with a bright orange colored stream right to the eyes. I then had to open my eyes and let the chemical sink into my eyes for a few seconds. It took less than a second for me to feel the pain. I was then allowed to begin flushing my eyes with water and immediately dunked my head into an awaiting tub of water. It took me almost 30 minutes of splashing water in my eyes non-stop as fast as I could before I could stop without feeling like I would vomit or die. I remember even contemplating ways that I might could make myself pass out so that I could escape the pain. It took several hours to regain full vision and even when I went to bed that night it felt like I still had huge rocks in my eyes. Every time I blinked I could feel little pockets of burning gunk in the deep crevasses of my eye balls.
I don't recommend this to anyone. It was truly the worst pain I could have imagined and I was definitely not prepared for how bad it actually was.
Thanks to Lee I was able to get a few shots of this horrendous experience.

Officer Bessent

2009-01-29T05:14:00.000-08:00

From waitressing to ice cream truck driving, cutting flowers to serving coffee, I am here to tell you I am now a Patrol Officer!
As many of you know I am in terrible debt from a semester unpaid at Abilene Christian University. They are holding my transcript until the amount is paid in full and as a result, I am unable to attend any University and receive financial aid. Don't worry, folks. I found the loop hole!!
I found that if you are an employee of a University classes are free! So, I looked online to see what jobs Trinity University had to offer. At the time they only had one job posted, and that was for a clerical position in the Security department. I quickly applied and had an interview later that week. Unfortunately, I did not get the job and continued to work my waitressing job. A few weeks later I got a phone call from Trinity's Security Department telling me that they had another position available that they felt I was "more qualified for". I quickly agreed to meet for a second interview and made an appointment later that afternoon. In the interview they told me of the new opening which was for a Patrol Officer position. How in the world was I more qualified for that?!! After discussing the pay and the benefits I took the job and am now a Patrol Officer!
I'm going on week 4 of training. It's been crazy so far. I never would have thought I'd find myself in the place I am today. Life is funny. I wear a badge and a duty belt loaded with cool weapons to work.

Happy 3 Months, Zinni Bug!

2008-12-18T12:42:00.001-08:00

My how time flies! I can't believe my little niece is already 3 months old!! She's growing so fast and just gets cuter and cuter every day. My work schedule has gotten a little kink in it and I haven't been able to visit her on my regular Thursday each week. Here is a super cute shot from my visit with her just this Tuesday. It is still so weird to me that my brother is a Daddy! It seems like just days ago we were out tromping through the back 40. I sure do love being close to him and my wonderful sister in-law and of course my Zinni bug!

Dryer Fiasco

2008-12-11T22:19:00.001-08:00

I dedicated part of my day to catching up on laundry. My poor roommate has been in and out so much I decided I'd help her catch up too. Our apartment complex has its own little laundry room with several coin operated washers and dryers. I was in a hurry to take the laundry out of the dryer, run it upstairs to our apartment, lay it all out flat, change into my clean work clothes, and get to work on time. As I bent down to grab the last of the clothes I hit my forehead on the metal quarter slot that protrudes out from the dryer. It was a pretty forceful blow. The girl that was next to me in the laundry mat immediately asked if I was alright and I quickly responded with a tough "Oh, yeah, hah, I'm fine!" while inside I was screaming "Sweet Lord!! Take MY LIFE NOW!!!" It hurt so bad and the worst of it was I couldn't even scream all of the profane things that were jutting through my mind. I gathered the last of my laundry and squeezed past the girl. She looked at me again, gasp, and said "Oh my! Are you sure you're alright?!". I assured her with the bravest of faces I could muster that I was great! As I arrived in my apartment I immediately dropped the laundry basket and went straight for the bathroom. As I looked in the mirror I noticed a stream of blood trickling down my forehead and onto my cheek! No wonder the girl in the laundry room was so concerned! I had to call work and tell them I'd be a a little late as I was panicking at home trying to decide if I needed to make a trip to the hospital for some stitches or if the bleeding would subside after a few minutes of pressure. Thankfully it did just that and I was able to clean up a bit and head to work with only a pounding headache and some yucky hair.

(picture not taken on the scene--compliments of Bella Pop Photography)

Happy Holidays!

2008-12-05T20:06:00.000-08:00

I've been somewhat of a Scrooge the past couple holidays. I used to love Christmas time-- decorating the tree, listening to Carol of the Bells, driving around town looking at Christmas lights, making (but mostly eating) Christmas Candy. I guess the charm has been taken away a bit. My poor roommate has heard her fair share of my "Bah, humbug" exclamations when anything about Christmas is mentioned.
So, tonight I am turning over a new leaf! Our apartment now has a tiny bit of Christmas spirit. I bought my very first Christmas ornament today. Or my first 6. It used to be a little tradition that my family and I would do. Well, it was mostly just a custom with my Mom and I, because we enjoyed it the most. Every year we would pick out a new ornament to go on our tree. We had a few different "sets" of ornaments, but there was one set that was my favorite. It was a contemporary set with lots of bright purples, and greens, and turquoise's, and reds with a matching purple silk tree skirt. I loved it! I also bought two stockings to hang on our mantel. It's fun to actually have a mantel!
Lee is in Colorado for the weekend as Trinity has a game tonight. Go TU! I can't wait for her to get back and see that I'm NOT a Scrooge.....anymore!

How could I forget?! I spent yesterday (Thursday) with Zinni, Kim, and Cale. We had so much fun. We gave Zinnia a bath and she just LOVED splashing around in the water. Zinnia was wishing her Aunt Nikki could be in Texas to join the slumber party, so she decided to write her a letter. She's so smart and growing up so fast!!!

Love to you all and Happy Holidays!!!

Thursdays with Zinnia

2008-12-01T23:04:00.001-08:00

So, I am typically off work each week on Thursday and have devoted this day to spending time with my brand new niece. It amazes me how much she has changed in just 6 days each time that I visit. Here are just a few shots of my Thursdays with Zinnia.

My first Thursday with Zinnia. I don't think I could give this girl enough kisses!

Little monkey girl.

Holding her head up like a big girl.

She can already roll over from her tummy to her back.

Another perk to 'Thursdays with Zinnia' is seeing my beautiful Sister in Law.

Being Thankful

2008-12-01T09:38:00.000-08:00

I try to do this every year. Mostly they are jotted down in my journal, but since I've started blogging I think it'll be neat to express my gratitude through here.

I am thankful for my family,
it has been a rough year.
We are called to be thankful
through the good and the bad,
so for the bad times I am thankful.
I don't believe I'd have the relationship
with my Father as I do now
if the bad hadn't of happened.
I am thankful for my Brothers and their
beautiful wives.
I am thankful for the opportunity to
grow closer with my siblings.
The months we shared in Rockport
filled with many laughs and many tears.
I am thankful for the new place I am at,
my wonderful roommate, our quaint little apartment,
and living in a city full of people
that need to feel the love of Christ.
I am thankful for my new niece Zinnia.
She is healthy and beautiful and full of life.
I am thankful for the opportunity to live close to her
and see her often.
I am thankful for the Till family.
My friendship in Misti and the joy her children bring me.
I am thankful for my friends. Spread as far as Oregon
to New Zealand and everywhere in between.
I am thankful for the health of my family,
the health of my friends, and the health of my own.
I am thankful for my travels
and the friends I have made along the way.
I am thankful for my precious dog Kona.
I am thankful for my spiritual growth, for a little bit of healing this year,
and for the coming to do only more.

November 19th

2008-11-19T17:25:00.000-08:00

Although my intention was to avoid another rant on the subject of my parents divorce, I'm having a bit of difficulty doing so today as my mind continues to return to this specific day one year ago. November 19th,2007. I never dreamed that that day would happen. It wasn't supposed to happen, I thought. MY parent's marriage of almost 30 years was proof that commitment could last forever. Then November 19th happened. I somehow feel at times that I am responsible for picking it up. A year ago today, I really thought that it was possible, to pick it all up. Like a cup spilled on the coffee table; something that could be cleaned up and mended. They say that time will heal, but I disagree. It only proves that everything is temporary.
I sat in church tonight and listened to a woman speak about Paul sailing to Rome. It's a story in Acts commonly known as The Storm at Sea. and about a man named Paul who displayed extraordinary faith. At this particular time, Paul was a prisoner aboard a boat headed for Rome along with 276 other men. This boat was caught in a massive storm, but through Paul's bold and unshakable faith all 276 men were able to arrive safely to dry land. You can read the whole story in Acts chapter 27.
I was thinking about this storm of Paul's and also thinking about this storm that I have been undergoing for the majority of this past year. I feel similar to Paul in the sense that a good man is trapped in such a tragic and tempestuous storm. It is often told that people are taken through these "storms" in life so that after the storm has calmed they will be able to help someone later in life who is going through a similar storm. I fully agree that that is possible, but tonight I encountered something different. Perhaps I am in this storm for all of the other people that are in this storm. I am like Paul, a prisoner amongst 276.

"22But now I urge you to have courage because there will be no loss of life among you, but only loss of the ship. 23For just last night an angel of God, to whom I belong and whom I serve, stood by me 24and said, ‘Stop being afraid, Paul! You must stand before Ceasar. Indeed, God has given to you the lives of everyone who is sailing with you.’ 25So take courage, men, because I trust God that it will turn out just as he told me."

Perhaps I am in this storm for my Mom and Dad. A couple who at one time had a beautiful family that took weekend camping trips together and sat down at the dinner table to enjoy a good home cooked meal.
Maybe I am in this tempest for my two Brothers and their new wives. So that I can be their Paul, and stand up with amazing faith and say take heed brothers, God has given me the lives of everyone sailing with me.
Maybe I am in it for everyone affected by November 19th.
Maybe I am not in this storm to pat someone on the shoulder later and tell them "I know what you're going through".
Maybe I am in it for the 276.

The good news to this story is that Paul and his 276 landed safely on an Island called Malta. Some of them were able to swim and some of them floated in on planks and remnants of the broken ship, but they all arrived protected just as promised. SO, take courage, friends, for I trust that it will turn out just the way God has told.

Tonight,I ask you, my readers, to say a little prayer for me and those who are sailing along with me. This storm has been long, it's been windy, and it's been very rough. Pray for courage and for the hearts of my 276.

Marge Simpson

2008-11-03T14:30:00.000-08:00

We had a little trouble fitting.

I love Halloween. This year I thought long and hard on my costume and at the last minute finally decided on Marge Simpson. This costume was, for the most part, simple. Basically all I needed to focus on was the hair. I got two blue wigs from the local Wal-Mart, a three liter coke bottle, and a hot glue gun. I cut the top off of the three liter bottle and hot clued it to the top of the wig. I then, sectioned off pieces of the hair, pulled them up onto the bottle and glued them down for security. One wig was just not enough, as Marge's beehive is quite an updo. I took the second wig and cut pieces off to create a somewhat "curly" look for this cartoonish halloween costume. I searched high and low for the perfect green dress, and unfortunately this is where the costume fell a little short. If you recall Marge wears a strapless green dress with a strand of large red beads around her neck. Given the season, I found it difficult to find a place with a strapless green dress. People at work loved the costume regardless and I found that tips were much higher due to me wearing a costume. Thank goodness no one found any Blue hairs in their entree. I'm afraid I wouldn't be able to blame that on anyone else!
Later that night after arriving home I found my roommate searching for a costume to wear throughout the house so that we could go out. Now, if you know Lee at all you know that she's not much of a "go out" girl. I was thrilled at this opportunity and tried vigorously to find her something to wear too. We tried being a hippie, a cowgirl, and finally--TOGA, TOGA, TOGA!!! We decided that Marge couldn't go out because Homer was drunk from all of his Duff beer, so I threw on a Toga too! (This brought back some good memories) So here it is folks, Lee's very first Halloween adventure!!!

"And Mr. Admiral here would like a Margarita too"

2008-10-27T10:18:00.000-07:00

This week will almost complete a month of me living here in San Antonio. It's been a good ride so far. Our apartment is good and my roommate is great!! It's been nice to come home and have someone to share my day with; almost as nice as coming home to my trailer and sharing my day with Trailer Park Larry. So far we've only had one ill circumstance with our apartment and that was our ant infestation. We live on the 2nd floor and somehow ants were coming through our ceiling! (Doesn't make sense to me either.) Lee purchased some amazing little Ant Huts that did the trick. Thank goodness! I've been working a lot this week. I was very thankful to have gotten a job and immediately put on the schedule with a decent amount of hours. I'm waitressing at a charming little restaurant in one of San Antonio's bigger shopping malls. It serves a combination of Mexican, Spanish, and Native American cuisine and it is very tasty indeed! This week we are having what they call "Paw on the Patio". It's a charity event to raise money for our County's Humane Society. We are serving guests and their dogs a three course meal while they are dressed in their finest Halloween garb. There is also a costume contest and a photo station to help remember the event. This one particular lady came in earlier this week and wanted to check out the venue before submitting to a night with us. Apparently she had a few places on her list for places her and her dog could attend for Halloween and she wanted to make sure they went to the right place! She brought her dog and sat on our patio. We normally don't serve both dogs and their owners, but decided to humor this lady for the evening. She ordered a Margarita for herself and one for her dog, Admiral, as well. She later ordered a Shiner draft and informed me that Admiral didn't care for our Margarita. He lapped down the Shiner and his entree before I even sat the owners food on the table.
It will be interesting to see the people that come out for our event, especially after serving this woman. I'll be serving an entire night of people that dress their dogs up. This should be interesting.

Live Jams

2008-10-08T14:14:00.000-07:00

Got another show lined up. This time it's at the Starbucks in the Quarry Market in San Antonio. Should be kickin' off around 7:30ish Friday October 10th....

Kona has been found, I repeat, Kona has been found

2008-10-04T21:15:00.000-07:00

My Aunt Tammy reminded me recently that I needed to make it known that Kona HAS been found. So, he HAS been found! Here's the full story:
Kona went missing on Friday. I was out of town for a friends wedding and I had put him in my Mom's backyard. She too as out of town. So, Kona decided to go for a stroll around the neighborhood. No worries, he thought, he does it all of the time--with a leash on and supervision!!! He was a good little puppy and only went for a stroll in the neighborhood he was familiar with. He later told me that he didn't talk to strangers and when the neighborhood bully came by he hid in the bushes. Unfortunately, Mr. Kona Bessent was not informed of the Dog Catcher. I will take complete fault for this. I should have warned him. He was playing with the neighbors poodle when he arrived. Snatched him up immediately, I was later told by Kona, handcuffed and thrown in the back of the dog catchers mobile. He had to stay there until Monday when the pound opened up. I could recognize his bark as soon as I pulled into the drive way. Poor baby. Needless to say, Kona has learned his lesson. As punishment, he was neutered shortly after being rescued.

A Teeny Tiny Flower Baby

2008-09-21T14:11:00.000-07:00

I finally made my way down to San Marcos this weekend. It was truly one of the happiest moments of my life. I can't believe my brother is a Dad and has a beautiful little girl. A part of me doesn't feel old enough to be an aunt. Where did the time go? It seems like yesterday Cale and I were at the old Rock House swinging on the tree house swing.
I took some wonderful pictures of this beautiful little flower baby, but unfortunately they were lost while uploading. That's all I want to say about it, because I'm horribly upset about the event. So, moving on, here are a few pictures that Kim shared. I'm sure there will be plenty more to come. You can check out her blog in my "Indulge in These" there on the side of my blog. Her blog is called "Love,Love,Love".
Cale and Kim decided to have a home birth and what a neat and intimate birth it was. I believe that Kim is making a website for the whole birthing process, so I won't spoil the details. The story is much better when told from film.

I was finally caught up on the actual details of Zinni's birth.
She was: 6lbs 70z
18inches long
born at 11:25am
and beautiful :)

Zinnia Pearl Bessent

2008-09-18T19:30:00.000-07:00

6lbs and 7ounces. A perfect little blessing that has been long anticipated. I got the call during work today. I've been waiting for that phone call all week. It was the voice of my brother on the other line and his voice sounded so proud, so nervous, and so anxious to announce that she was here. He said "Hey Linz, or should I say Aunt Linzie". Tears welled in my eyes, like they are doing right now, as he told me that she was healthy and how teeny tiny she was. He said that Kim did great, as I knew she would, and that she is safe and sound as well. I can't wait to see her. I've got all sorts of ideas in my head on how she looks, as I've pictured in my head for months. I'll see her tomorrow...I can't wait to finally hold her in my own arms. I am an AUNT!!!!

(This is a picture of Cale and I. Seemed fitting because all I've been doing is dancing today. I have a precious little niece!!!)

SA Town Here We Come!!!

2008-09-14T16:37:00.000-07:00

It's time to pack up again and head out for another adventure. This time it's San Antonio bound! As you may know, Starbucks is shutting down 600 stores in the US and 61 in Australia. My beautiful little store in Brownwood, TX unfortunately is falling victim as our last day will be Sept. 26th. So, sadly I'll be jobless and what a perfect opportunity to pack it all up and go stretch my legs somewhere else. This closing time is not only about Starbucks, but it's also a closing time for the camper trailer lifestyle. It's been a tough and sad decision, but I've decided to join the civilized ways of most of today and get an apartment. A college bud just took a job as the assistant basketball coach at Trinity University, so I'll be sharing a lovely little place with her. More to come, I'm sure.....

Kona Bessent

2008-07-27T17:28:00.001-07:00

Kona is missing!! I had to go out of town for a wedding this weekend and dropped him of at my Mom's house while I was away. When I returned the next day he was nowhere to be found. I've patrolled the neighborhood and posted signs all over town. Keep this precious little guy in your prayers. I want him home!!!

2008-06-24T19:18:00.000-07:00

I am one to dream. I dream during the day and even in the night. I've been playing a lot of music lately and I'm excited to get it out on the road and see where it takes me. As of now, I don't have a good sounding quality recording of any of my songs, but hopefully this week I'll be able to accomplish that dream. Even if it's terrible--at least it'll be accomplished. I've got a buddy from work that knows the recording ropes and has access to some equipment. We shall see....and dream...

For now you can check out a sneak peek of my first song, Move Along. It's at www.zoomoozik.com/linziebessent

-Zie

Thankfulness

2007-11-21T21:55:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving! It is currently midnight and the very first moment of Thanksgiving day. What do I have to be thankful for this year? It has truly been the most difficult year of my life, but for its difficulties I am thankful. I'm thankful for the ways that it has shaped me, for the pain that I have endured that has and will continue to make me stronger. I am thankful for the way it brought my brothers and I closer; so close we all lived together for a short time. I'm thankful for my travels. I've gone a lot of places, seen a lot of amazing things, and met a lot of beautifully broken people. I'm thankful for returning home. Although it doesn't seem like much of a home anymore, but I am thankful for one true friend I have and for the love and "homey" feeling she has given me. I'm thankful for my visits to Abilene, though they are short, I come away feeling loved. I am thankful for my friends that are miles away, but have done an excellent job of making the distance not seem like very far. I'm thankful for my jobs. Yes, all three of them at one time. I'm thankful for my health and I'm thankful for my families health.
I am restless and tired tonight. I've been driving since Sunday, it seems. I left Sunday after work to drive to Abilene. I had a blow out on the way. It was terrible. I left Tuesday for Comanche and then on Wednesday for Rockport. I'll work Thursday, yes on Thanksgiving day, lame, I know.
...I wish I was home, wherever that may be.

Austin City Limits

2007-09-20T12:01:00.000-07:00

I had the most amazing weekend. It was very stressful due to my dumb bank and my lost deposit, which equals no funds in my account 4 hours away from home, but God was the ultimate provider. He provided good friends, good music, and an over all GOOD time! We saw Regina Spektor, Wilco, Bob Dylan, and a lot of other smaller bands. My overall favorite was Grace Potter and the Nocturnals. Her and her band did an amazing show and that woman knows how to rock--her vocals, guitar, organ, piano, and even drums! WOW!

The Linzie Show

2007-08-29T22:15:00.000-07:00

I can't sleep, which is not good considering I have to work the "shitty sunrise shift" tomorrow morning at a lovely 5:30am. I have restless legs and a restless mind tonight.
With reality tv everywhere on TV these days, I'm beginning to think that maybe my life is really a reality tv show. It's probably been getting some good ratings these last few weeks with all of the drama. It's like I'm living in "The Truman Show", but hah! I've finally figured it out!
I have issues with trust. I think. Looking at my life, I don't have a best friend. I've picked up and moved on an impulse decision more than just a few times. I haven't kept a job for more than a few months. And dating, well there hasn't been much of it in the past few years, but when there was, it didn't last more than a few months, if that.
I'm tired of putting on a brave face. Let's be honest and open. My parents are getting a divorce. There, I said it. It's real and it's happening. I've been in conversation a few painful times since gaining this heart-wrenching knowledge and it all boils down to bullshit. Everyone is full of it. I wouldn't blame my trust issues on my parents, for up until now, they haven't given me a reason to not put my trust in them. It just makes me realize, that in this world, and maybe I'm a little too old to be realizing this, but no one has it all together. The people in your life, even the ones you love dearly, must never be fully trusted. Satan is on the prowl and everyone is human. I've learned that if you want things to get done, you must do them yourself. You can't expect people to come through for you, because even those that say they won't, will let you down. You have to listen to your heart, follow your gut, and look to God. It's scary sometimes when you can't see what you're putting your trust in to, but your faith will carry it through.
I close my eyes tonight, and possibly for the rest of my nights, wondering what alternate reality did I grow up believing in?

Home again, home again, jaggedy heart.....

2007-08-15T19:37:00.000-07:00

I feel dumb. I always find myself signing onto my blog when I need to vent and realign myself. I have been missing home lately. This year has been rough. My school fell through, I had a terrible working situation with a sexually harrasing boss, my "happy place" in Abilene yet again did not work, and my parents announced their divorce. The flood gates have been lifted and it seems like I just can't keep my head above water. My legs are constantly getting knocked out from under me with all sorts of different undercurrents. I'm struggling financially, emotionally, and it's beginning to take me under.
I thought by moving my problems would somehow stay. That by driving down 7 hours from what has been home for the past 2 years would magically blow out my window each mile I traveled. I felt like I would arrive to where my brothers are and I would be flushed by this sense of "home", since my family was here. I'm beginning to miss home, but also confused as to where home is. My home has been stripped down with angry words and tears and separation. My home has been loaded up in my car and traveled long Texas highways.
Growing up there was this small framed picture that hung on the wall just to the left of our pantry. The frame was wood with a light pink backing and a floral heart cut out. There was a caption on the bottom of this picture that said "Home is where the heart is". This picture is the one thing that I can remember most from my childhood. It was first in our small little rock house right in the center of Sidney. Then it hung in our home nesteled away in the woods. It is now tucked snuggly into the cloth pocket on the back of my passenger seat in my red car, Reba.

I am thankful for

2007-08-08T21:22:00.000-07:00

the ability to love,
friends and memories,
surprises and unexpected compliments,
rain, even though it's rained a lot,
my broken family, because even though it's broken, it's still alive,
spontaneous opportunities and spontaneous adventures,
chocolate milk and popcorn--together,
new friends, old friends, good friends,
joy and patience,
little kids and their warm hugs,
Magnum; a cute cuddly puppy,
hearing the words "I love you",
the beach, and living near it,
my job and the ability to work,
being raised the way I was,
appreciating the finer things,
my brothers and their wives,
my new apartment,
the way I have been shaped,
my health,
the way the blue blistex feels like water on my lips,
inside jokes, or any joke that's funny,
the ability to heal,
new guitar strings,
driving with my windows rolled down and a good Brooke Fraser song,
hearing from a friend in New Zealand,
mail-- email or snail,
new shoes, or a cute skirt,
painting,
the feeling of accomplishment,
musty smells, like an air conditioner,
finding money in unexpected places,
cooking,
finding a good verse in the Bible,
having a good day...

When It Rains it Pours

2007-07-22T12:35:00.000-07:00

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings You glory
And I know there'll be days
When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to praise You
Jesus, bring the rain
I am Yours regardless of
The dark clouds that may loom above
Because You are much greater than my pain
You who made a way for me
By suffering Your destiny
So tell me what's a little rain

-Mercy Me

Recipe for Disaster

2007-07-13T22:26:00.000-07:00

I suppose that I don't really have anything to say, but at the same time my mind hasn't been able to rest easy in days. It seems as though these are the days of great trials.
I just got back from New Orleans this evening. I had such a wonderful time. I was very nervous about going. I felt as though I was too weak and fragile this week to take on such a large task of teaching others while being a servant. I didn't really feel like I had any trait of Jesus left in my angry body to share with anyone else. Upon meeting my precious New Orleans kids there was no room for angry or bitter feelings. Those kids had far worse things they were forced to carry on their shoulders. Who am I to possess angry and bitter feelings when these kids have nothing. Their parents were killed in Hurricane Katrina, or dying of aids, or alcoholics, or in jail. Some have no parents. Those precious kids brought me so much joy this week and though these are the days of great trials--He continues to give me joy.

Love you for you

2007-06-06T22:16:00.000-07:00

Tonight I sit still. I let the cool wind of a west Texas night blow against my cheeks. I try to sit patiently, yet intensely as I listen for a voice. A voice of a higher being. A voice of direction; somewhere to take me. A plan for my life and a sense of worth for myself.
It seems as though nothing has gone right these last few months. Parts of me have been lost that I will never retrieve, friends have left my side without any explaination, and dreams have faded far beyond what seems to be the distance. The wounds have began to take stride in healing, new friends have moved in to only fill the void that will later be left open again, and new dreams find their place in this passionate heart of mine.

He cries in the corner where nobody sees
He's the kid with the story no one would believe
He prays every night "Dear God won't you please
Could you send someone here who will love me?"

Who will love me for me
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me
'Cause nobody has showed me what love
What love really means

Her office is shrinking a little each day
She's the woman who's husband has run away
She'll go to the gym after working today
Maybe if she was thinner
Then he would have stayed
And she says...

Who will love me for me?
Not for what I have done or what I will become
Who will love me for me?
'Cause nobody has shown me what love
What love really means

He's waiting to die as he sits all alone
He's a man in a cell who regrets what he's done
He utters a cry from the depths of his soul
"Oh Lord please forgive me, I want to go home"

Then he heard a voice deep inside
And it said
"I know you've murdered and I know you've lied
I have watched you suffer all of your life
And now that you'll listen I'll tell you that I.."

I will love you for you
Not for what you have done or what you will become
I will love you for you
I will give you the love
the love that you never knew

Broken His

2007-05-17T21:54:00.000-07:00

Tonight my heart aches. It aches for all of the lost that I know and for my own lost soul. It aches from all of the previous beatings to my tender heart strings and for the new ones too. It aches for the desire I have to love and none to let me do so. It hurts from the pain that has welled up from inconsiderate friends and people that have taken advantage of this heart that I wear on my sleeve. And tonight. Tonight I sit here and vow to tuck this heart away. To not let it get broken again. To not let people in, so that they can only get what they want and be on their way. Yet, that is not what I was put here to do. I was given this huge heart for a reason. So, as much as I yearn to be selfish, I must persevere. I must continue to love, just as Jesus has loved me. I must never make the same mistake again. I must push the hurt and pain aside and continue to love beyond the feelings I get from people that I love so much and cut me so deep. It's amazing to think about our God. How He is able to love so deep and continue to love after many many tears in His heart. Who am I to sit here feeling broken about the many hurt feelings when I have done the exact same thing to my saviour?

My hope is in you Lord

2007-04-25T20:10:00.000-07:00

Happiness is to know the Savior,
Living a life within His favor,
Having a change in my behavior,
Happiness is the Lord.

Happiness is a new creation,
Jesus and me in close relation,
Having a part in His salvation,
Happiness is the Lord.

Real joy is mine,
no matter if teardrops start;
I've found the secret,
it's Jesus in my heart!

Happiness is to be forgiven,
Living a life that's worth the living,
Taking a trip that leads to Heaven,
Happiness is the Lord!

Here I am again. Caught in the act, and sadly I was unaware of the felony I was committing. I've prayed fervently about it. I have many scribbled pages in my journal on the subject of the matter and still, here I am again. Happiness is to know the Savior and that is what I long to have.

this numbness has stirred my soul

2007-04-01T22:37:00.000-07:00

" How long O Lord? Will you forget me forever?

How long will you hide your face from me?

How long must I wrestle with my thoughts

and every day have sorrow in my heart?

How long will my enemy triumph over me?

Look on me and answer, O Lord my God.

Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death;

my enemy will say, "I have overcome him,"

and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

But I will trust in your unfailing love;

my heart rejoices in your salvation.

I will sing to the Lord, for He has been good to me."

-Psalm 13

How long O Lord must I wait?

2007-03-24T23:37:00.000-07:00

Saturday. My day off. I've felt weird all day. I had no motivation to get out of my room and go do something. I'm missing home and all things familiar today. I'm missing being at ACU and around those that I was beginning to build a friendship with. I'm sitting here tonight needing some reassurance. I'm wondering if the distance will not be just in miles in a few months to come. If I'll be left to do it all over again. I thought I had my fair share of being left alone already. I know that I am here for a reason and that there is some sort of great plan behind all of this hurting and distance and I am ready for it be revealed. I'm not sure how much longer I will be able to stand and wait. My legs have been knocked out from under me too many times before and here I am in one of my weakest moments. How long O Lord must I wait? I want my passion back again. My drive. My devotion.
This song has been playing in my head a lot today as I had a lot of unwanted alone time.

Jesus Christ, that's a pretty face

the kind that you would find on someone that could save

If they don't put me away

Well, then it will be a miracle

Do you believe you're missing out

That everything good is happening somewhere else?

But with no one in your bed

The night's hard to get through

And I will die all alone

And when I die I won't know anyone

Well, Jesus Christ, I'm all alone again

What did you do those three days you were dead

Cause this problems going to last more than the weekend

Well, Jesus Christ, I'm not scared to die

I'm a little bit scared of what comes after

Do I get the gold chariot?

Do I float through the ceiling?

Do I divide and fall apart?

Cause my bright is too slight to hold back all of my dark

And the ship went down in the sight of land

And at the gates does Thomas ask to see my hands

I know you're coming in the night like a theif

But, I've had some time, O Lord, to hone my lying technique

I know that you think I'm someone you can trust

But I'm scared I'll get scared and I swear I'll try to nail you back up

So do you think we could work out a sign

So I'll know it's you and that it's over so I won't even try

I know you're coming for people like me

But we all got wood and nails

And we turn out hate in factories

We all got wood and nails

And we turn out hate in factories

We all got wood and nails

And we sleep inside this machine

-Brand New

Rested Though Still Render Hopeless

2007-03-21T21:23:00.000-07:00

I'm back after a few good days of friends and family, though sitting here tonight it just doesn't seem like enough. I drove most of my way back with my music turned off just listening as the rhythmic sound of rain drops fell on the windshield of Reba and I prayed. I prayed to come back to this household and to witness change. I prayed for patience, because these girls are wearing me thin. I prayed for God to open these girls hearts up and allow me to dig deep into their very little beings and allow me to give them the love that I have for them.
And today, I find myself back on the floor prying Sara from any and everything she can grab, pulling her tightly into my arms, attempting to rock her as she kicks my shins and scratches my arms, and whispering in her ear "Sara, I love you. You don't have to hurt me. I love you." Another rough day. I long for the day that I can go into my room after putting them down for bed and having a sense of accomplishment with these girls. I understand days won't be perfect, but I can expect days that I won't have to be scratched and bruised.
Since I've been here I've been struggling with my purpose. I often think of what my life would be like if I hadn't of done this and would have done that. I want so badly to be back at ACU. I finally found my place there and just as I did it was all torn down again. I'm back on the ground with my feet knocked out from under me. I look down the road and wonder when I will be able to stand again?
" The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames"
-superchick

The grass is greener on the other side...

2007-02-28T06:55:00.000-08:00

You've heard it. It appears that the grass is greener on the other side. Since my week and 1/2 of being here I have had the opportunity to meet a few of the girls' friends. They've rang the door bell with this halo of a smile and when I open the door a breath of fresh clean air sweeps across my face. This air isn't the air of Houston, for the air outside is humid and much like that of an armpit! This air is from the darling little girls that come to visit. They never raise their voices over an "inside" voice and never talk back. They never run or jump off of the furniture and they always say their please's and thank you's. How wonderful it is when friends come for a visit! :-)
Last week seemed like it flew by, but this week has dug it's feet deep into the ground and is making it difficult to get through it. Sara and I had a rough day on Monday. She refused to clean up and I refused to let her have her way. So, an hour long battle took place of kicking, hitting, scratching, biting, and even my shirt ripped. When it was all said and done she was able to calmly talk to me and she cleaned up her mess. I was so proud of her for finally minding and excited that I was finally able to complete a punishment and talk about why things got out of hand.
Natalie has been sick all week. I'm definetly ready for her to go back to school so that I can have a quiet morning and hit the gym! I haven't been able to work out since Friday! I was off last night for a while so that I could get out of the house since I hadn't been able to leave since Sunday. I just wandered around Target and had a good long conversation with my Mimi.
I should be getting my new computer today! I am currenty sitting at the girls' computer which sits on a very small childrens desk. I have to switch sitting positions every so often so that my legs won't go to sleep!
Well, I hear Natalie stirring around, so I better be off and onto my job!

Call me Miss Linzie

2007-02-23T09:08:00.000-08:00

It's Friday, and oh how I have been looking forward to this day for what seems like most of the week! Just a few hours left in the day and I will have officially completed my first week as a Nanny. They call me 'Miss Linzie'. It's kinda cute. I'd much rather be called 'Miss Linzie' than 'Nanny' or 'Dude', which they seem to use a lot. This week has actually flown by. It is somewhat nice to have a schedule, because it gives me a little something to look forward to. I know I have to wake up at 6:00am (though I don't really look forward to that part) and that the girls have to get on the bus at 7:30am. Then I have a few household chores, like starting the laundry and making the beds. Some mornings, I try to make the beds while the girls are putting on their clothing. I like getting everything done so that I can relax. Sara, the youngest one gets home from half-day kindergarten at 12:00. We fix lunch together and sit down and talk about her day. Then she is supposed to work in workbooks or do a learning game on the computer, but sometimes I just let her play with her barbies or dance to Hannah Montanna in her room. Sara is a very smart girl. She is 5 years old and when we play this trivia game after dinner, she usually gets the answers faster than the older two. Natalie and Jessica get homeat 3:30. Sara and I sit on the porch 30 minutes before and enjoy the sunshine while we wait for the bus to come. They are normaly starving and hit the pantry for a snack when they hit the front door. Then it's homework time. And after that-play time. The girls most always want to go outside. It's difficult going outside. It's not how I grew up and I'm not sure how to "play" outside with this small yard and limited space. We've been taking walks around the block amost every night. Jessica got Heely's (skate shoe thingy's) for her birthday last month and the other two normally ride their bikes. I'm already growing tired of the "walk around the block". The parents always suggest a walk around the block as if they were going to take them, and then look at me and say "Would you mind walking them a few times around the block to burn off some of this excitement?". But, it never works. The excitement only grows after setting foot outside. After play time is shower time and this is my most dreaded time of the day. The shower has two shower heads and so we stick Natalie and Sara in the shower and Jessica in the bath tub. When Natalie and Sara are together I can hardly control them. On Wednesday night, after being splashed with water over and over and screaming naked bodies running in and out of the shower (and me not being able to spank them!) I finally had to call for the mother, Lori, and ask if I could finish dinner while she finished bathing them. It's a difficult task, to shampoo and condition three kids at the same time. One is screaming because she has shampoo in her eye and the other is screaming because the other one looked at her while she was naked. I haven't figured out a good system to this madness yet, but instead of me putting shampoo and conditioner on their heads I've been pouring it in their hands and letting them do it by themselves. Hopefully soon they'll be able to take showers by themselves and I won't lose all of my hair! Finally, it's dinner time. This routine is rather difficult too, because rarely will everyone like the food on their plate and thus can cause many screaming, kicking, crying fits. Wednesday night I cooked lasagna and let the girls help. Everyone ate that night and I was super excited! I think it helped that they saw what went in the food and wanted to eat it because they helped make it. Alas, it's 8:00 and I tuck the girls in bed and shut the door to my room until the next day! Ahh...what a week.

" "Going of to find yourself" was the standar interpretation. I don't think that is really our point. We are shaped by our experiences. Our perception of job, fear, pain, and beauty are sharpeneed or dulled by the way we rub against time. My senses have become dull and this trip is an effort to sharpen them."-Through Painted Deserts by Donald Miller

No Tears in Heaven

2007-02-14T18:31:00.000-08:00

So, I'm just waiting until it is time, for me to load my car and begin the road trip to Houston. I created this blog so that I could type a few things here and there, so that friends and family would know what is going on in my life without me sending out tons of really long emails. But, in the mean time, I'll let you be inspired:

I was thinking, after talking to a close friend of mine, who is not a believer and has no desire to be-- if there are no tears in heaven, will I be sad when I get there and not see all the people that I loved so dearly on earth? If I will have no sorrrow, will I not feel any emotion when I realize that some of the closest people to me on Earth are missing? All will be glory in the land, but I can't imagine it being glorious without those that I love. Will I just not feel any emotion? Will I just not even remember them?
I often wonder about the verse in 1 Cor Chapter 7:12. It says "To the rest I say this, If any brother has a wife who is not a believer and she is willing to live with him, he must not divorce her. And if a woman has a husband who is not a believer and he is willing to live with her, she must not divorce him. For the unbelieving husband has been sanctified through his wife, and the unbelieving wife has been sanctified through her believing husband . Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy."
As it is stated, it is obviously Paul that is saying this and not the Lord. But I often wonder about this passage. If my beliefs will be strong enough to save someone else?
I wonder what will happen in Heaven, if there are no tears?

"No tears in heaven, no sorrows given, All will be glory in that land...There'll be no sadness, all will be gladness, When we shall join that happy band....

No tears....no tears, no tears up there, Sorrow and pain will all have flown....No tears, no tears up there, No tears in heaven will be known.

Glory is waiting, waiting up yonder, Where we shall spend an endless day; There with our Savior, we'll be forever, Where no more sorrow can dismay....

No tears....no tears, no tears up there, Sorrow and pain will all have flown....No tears, no tears up there, No tears in heaven will be known.

Some morning yonder, we'll cease to ponder, O'er things this life has brought to view; All will be clearer, saved ones be dearer, In Heaven where all will be made new....

No tears....no tears, no tears up there, Sorrow and pain will all have flown....No tears, no tears up there, No tears in heaven will be known."

Uff-da

2007-02-12T22:18:00.000-08:00

As a good friend of mine would say "Uff-da!". What a week this has been! I was contacted by the family in The Woodlands and was quickly whisped away on a flight to Houston to meet the family. It was hard. What a bold thing to do, especially for me. To fly somewhere without really knowing what to expect and to stay with a total stranger for a few nights. It was complete faith, and I'm beginning to fall in love with that feeling of having complete faith all over again. It seems like it's been a while since I was able to fully live by faith and trust that my God would see me through. I ended up getting the job. They have three little girls, who have a hard time minding, and will definitely be challenging, but will have many great rewards.
I layed in bed after talking to my Mom on the phone this past Thursday night. I let a few tears stream down my face while the scenes of the whole day replayed in my mind. I found it very difficult to establish a sense of authority with the girls, as well as prove to them that I was someone who they could have fun with. I wanted them to respect me and to see me as someone who could discipline them if it called for that. I didn't want to start out being the pushover Nanny and the kids get away with everything. Thankfully, throughout the weekend once the girls finally got to see how much of a fun person I can be, began to cling to me more and more.
I'm excited about this new job and the things that the Lord has planned for me that will hopefully be revealed to me soon.

Fresh Beginnings

2007-02-05T22:28:00.000-08:00

I've had this blog for a few weeks now and have been waiting for just the right moment to start typing away on this keyboard for my first blog. I kept waiting for something inspirational, something brilliant, something worth reading about. Nothing has came yet and I'm beginning to get very anxious to start up my blogspot. I don't know why I feel the need to have a blog. I already have a facebook account and a myspace account, which both keep me very occupied. I suppose there's something therapeutic about writing. The rythm of the keys going clickity clack and my mind traveling to many different spots all at once all to form words for my fingers to type.
I guess I should really write about something thought provoking, seeing as this is my first blog, and what a waste it would be to have my very first blog be rambling non-sense. :-)

I've had an interesting few weeks. I'm officially a college drop out. I know, how lame. Though, as much as I am heart broken that I am not at ACU with the people that I love and attempting to make something of my life, I am a little excited to see how God is working in my life right now. I'm anxious to see the plan He has for me this semester and through the summer. I'm beginning to see a little good come from all of this heartache. I've recently been on the phone doing a sort of interview with a family who has a nanny position open in The Woodlands, near Houston. This family sounds super great and it seems like a good opportunity for me to serve a loving family as well as to grow in my own personal ways. Hopefully I will find out more from this family soon.
I have been tested what seems to be a lot over the course of this new year and it's only February. From having to move away from ACU, cancelling my mission work in New Zealand, my sickley grandmother, and the death of my sweet baby cousin Baylee. Sometimes, especially in moments like these, I wonder why I continue to believe the things I believe. How can someone so great throw such awful things all in one month to me?I had in mind to serve our great God this semester with a team of awesome college kids at Southern Hills. I had in mind to serve our great God this summer in New Zealand. I often wonder why I am not being allowed to serve in those places. I tried so hard to find something pleasing to Him and to go at it with all of myself. To be dedicated to a task that would glorify Him instead of something for my own pleasure. I failed miserably and now I feel miserable.
Things are beginning to shape up a bit. I'm praying hard that I will land this nanny job. I'm praying hard that this is where He wants me to be and that He will reveal His good and perfect plan to me. All I want is to be a servant. I find myself constantly asking Him to show me what He wants of me.

"And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it."1 Cor. 10:13