Rested Though Still Render Hopeless

I'm back after a few good days of friends and family, though sitting here tonight it just doesn't seem like enough. I drove most of my way back with my music turned off just listening as the rhythmic sound of rain drops fell on the windshield of Reba and I prayed. I prayed to come back to this household and to witness change. I prayed for patience, because these girls are wearing me thin. I prayed for God to open these girls hearts up and allow me to dig deep into their very little beings and allow me to give them the love that I have for them.
And today, I find myself back on the floor prying Sara from any and everything she can grab, pulling her tightly into my arms, attempting to rock her as she kicks my shins and scratches my arms, and whispering in her ear "Sara, I love you. You don't have to hurt me. I love you." Another rough day. I long for the day that I can go into my room after putting them down for bed and having a sense of accomplishment with these girls. I understand days won't be perfect, but I can expect days that I won't have to be scratched and bruised.
Since I've been here I've been struggling with my purpose. I often think of what my life would be like if I hadn't of done this and would have done that. I want so badly to be back at ACU. I finally found my place there and just as I did it was all torn down again. I'm back on the ground with my feet knocked out from under me. I look down the road and wonder when I will be able to stand again?
" The best I can do is just get through the day
When life before is only a memory
I wonder why God lets me walk through this place
And though I can't understand why this happened
I know that I will when I look back someday
And see how you've brought beauty from ashes
And made me as gold purified through these flames"
-superchick