I feel dumb. I always find myself signing onto my blog when I need to vent and realign myself. I have been missing home lately. This year has been rough. My school fell through, I had a terrible working situation with a sexually harrasing boss, my "happy place" in Abilene yet again did not work, and my parents announced their divorce. The flood gates have been lifted and it seems like I just can't keep my head above water. My legs are constantly getting knocked out from under me with all sorts of different undercurrents. I'm struggling financially, emotionally, and it's beginning to take me under.
I thought by moving my problems would somehow stay. That by driving down 7 hours from what has been home for the past 2 years would magically blow out my window each mile I traveled. I felt like I would arrive to where my brothers are and I would be flushed by this sense of "home", since my family was here. I'm beginning to miss home, but also confused as to where home is. My home has been stripped down with angry words and tears and separation. My home has been loaded up in my car and traveled long Texas highways.
Growing up there was this small framed picture that hung on the wall just to the left of our pantry. The frame was wood with a light pink backing and a floral heart cut out. There was a caption on the bottom of this picture that said "Home is where the heart is". This picture is the one thing that I can remember most from my childhood. It was first in our small little rock house right in the center of Sidney. Then it hung in our home nesteled away in the woods. It is now tucked snuggly into the cloth pocket on the back of my passenger seat in my red car, Reba.
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2 comments:
Hey there Linz. Sorry we keep missing your calls. We will chat soon. We all had so much fun with you mom when she was here and anticipate, eagerly, a visit from you! We have a lot to show you around here and even more to talk about. I am just so sorry for everything you are going through and anticipate, eagerly, some still waters ahead. Stay strong and know that you are loved more than you know by a God who deeply feels your pain.
Peace,
Aaron
I want a thoughtful black and white picture on my blog... I'm jealous. I read everything you've posted this afternoon. You are a thoughtful and smart woman Zie Zie. I'm reminded suddenly this afternoon that you aren't a 16 year old high school student in Sidney, Texas. You are a young woman, with a limitless ability to feel and understand everything in this crazy life. Sorry we missed your call last night. We'll be in touch soon. Keep writing... for yourself--don't worry who's reading. And know that you remind me of myself as a college-age woman. It wasn't until I was in Graduate School and almost 23 that I felt I had my head on straight and ready for life. I love you...
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